Mistakes I could have avoided and lessons that could have learned sooner (from a 27-year-old)

Trusting the wrong people

I guess you never know when your friendship is real and your friend loyal and honest with you until she or he disappoints you and hurts your feelings. I know disappointments and hurt can go away one day (or not), you can talk this through, forgive and move on and be friends again. But not if she or he does not show any kind of remorse or just for a second until you take them back into your heart and then she or he continues to be the same dig again. I trusted someone who was very close to me for many years until one day she misused my trust and lied to me. We did talk and of course she apologised and I did not want to loose her in my life so I forgave her. Only to get hurt again. This was the moment when I realised it had been this way the entire time I only had not known or to be honest did not want this to be true and accept the fact that she was never a loyal and honest friend to me in the first place. This realisation is not play the blame game here but rather a tipping point for me when I realised: the people you do life with can make or break you. You give them this power. And you have the power to decide whom you want to give this power to in your life. A lesson I wished I learned sooner.

Loosing time in your career/ education

Time is valuable. You learn this in kindergarden. If you are late you do not get the seat, you do not get in, you miss out. Something that can be so minor in kindergarden can sometimes cost you your interview, your promotion or your dream house later. I lost time in my life. I did not set my priorities straight, I found excuses not work and do the things I needed to do. Few years later I found myself in the same place and making accusations to myself why I did not follow up with what I had to do. Being at the same place few years later sucks! Trust me. While everyone else moves on in their life, gets their promotion, pays their first mortgage for their dream house, you feel kinda isolated from the rest of the world. You feel stuck in your own little world. The excuses you make will not buy your more time or set the time back. Comparing will not change anything. You have to be your own cheerleader. You need to take things into your own hands. You only are responsible for your decision. Blaming will not solve how you feel years later. Stop looking around, stick to your plan, stick to your goals, stick to whatever you desire to be, to accomplish and do it! Do not waste your time. Time is valuable, it will not come back for you. You will thank me later.

Being indecisive

This is another bad trait of mine. I do not know whom to thank for. My mum is not like that, neither is my dad. But it found me. I am indecisive all the time. When I go to the restaurant, everyone had ordered and I am still reading the menu. If I get to choose between two things, I am dependant on other peoples opinion and mostly I am not content which the decision taken afterwards. This has let to many wrong decisions in my life! I know that not all the decisions you make will turn out to be the right one. But let me tell you, if you do not make your own decision, others will make them for you and it will not be always pretty! In my case, I then realise what I really want but it is not for me to decide anymore and I lose out. I do not want you to lose out in your life! Nobody wants, right? Take your chances, if you do not know now, do not wait too long. This will cost you something. Most of the time you cannot get it back and this will follow up with you and make you to be more unsure next time. Do not let this happen in your life. You want to live your life to the fullest and enjoy every bit of it along your journey. Make your own decision. You will have more freedom in your life, more space about the things you decided to do. You only will own it and eventually that will make you happier.

Fancy instagram love or are you really in love – marriage in the age of instagram

To be honest marriage doesn’t look like this in real life. Pictures such as this and life on instagram are only instant moments capturing a fortunate situation. It’s not always love, happiness and sunshine in our house. We fight a lot. We hurt each other. We have arguments. What keeps us together is, whatever the reason, we forgive each other. Trying to impose your opinion is only gonna push someone further away. We remind ourselves that we are two different individuals, with totally two different upbringing and two different backgrounds. You cannot just assume the other one is gonna put their past life away for you or change their priorities just because you are married now.

It is like cultivating a new plant. You need to nourish it, water it, clean it and change the pot time to time. That can be applied to marriage as well. You should take time for each other, go for a fancy dinner. A cozy candlelight dinner at home will do the same magic. Wear some nice dress, write each other sweet notes as you did when you started dating. You only know what makes your love the happiest man/ woman alive. Fighting or arguing is not wrong but always choose forgiveness and love. No argument or fight is worth compromising your marriage life and happiness.

Choose forgiveness, love and a little bit of empathy every day. Above all put your trust in God. We love because He first loved us.