Key to Success – Deborah Mary S.

Progress sheet

June 8, 2023June 8, 2023 by Deborah Mary S., posted in Adult life, Blogger, Career, Development, Education, Experiences, Life, Life lessons, Life Question, Mindset, Personal Story, Social Media, Study

One of the reasons we moved to Berlin few years ago was to live without being constantly judged and limited by people around us. Seeing our families now means few hours of travel across Germany. To be honest, sometimes we do feel lonely here. Just the two of us in the big city of Berlin.

I often come to this Vapiano (for those who don’t know what it is it is an Italian restaurant chain in Germany, tho Italians may argue this). We spent lots of evening hours here. From this particular window you can see the Bundestag (German parliament) and when it gets darker you have almost a panoramic view of Berlin and the government area. I don’t know but I love this view. It may be the little glimpse of future I sense when I look out. Something yet unknown but somehow so clear. It gives me hope. It reminds me why I came to this city (which meant leaving everything behind) and that I am not alone.

I do not know in which situation you are in right now. Maybe you feel lost, you feel like you have not made it. Let me tell you, someone somewhere in this world right now is dreaming of what you have today. So any time you feel like you have not achieved anything think twice, think how far you have made it up to here, how many obstacles you have faced and succeeded, how many challenges that seemed impossible to overcome you turned around. Look at you! You have achieved more than the eye meets.

It is okay to feel lonely at times. But always remember you have made it this far and you will make it further. Never let loose of your dream, of your goal. Pursue it, write down your next steps, make a check list of everything you want to do and keep track of your journey. Monitoring your progress is a key in developing and maintaining a longterm goal or any project in fact. (What I do is, I have a progress sheet like a journal where I keep track on everything. This way when I feel like I am not moving as fast as I want to I can look back and see what I have already accomplished but also know what I have to do next to get there where I wanna be.) Doing this on a regular basis (consistency is another key btw) is what helped me to cope with disappointments and setbacks. These experiences have helped and shaped me a lot. For that I am grateful. I could only share this with you because of that, right. 😉

So put that little effort and you will see in 5 years, in 10 years time you will look back at your younger self and be proud. Remember always, everything happens for your best. It will work out. Trust me.

Mistakes I could have avoided and lessons that could have learned sooner (from a 27-year-old)

Featured by Deborah Mary S., posted in Adult life, Blogger, Career, Education, Life, Life lessons, Life Question, marriage, Personal Story, Social Media, Study, Teenager

Trusting the wrong people

I guess you never know when your friendship is real and your friend loyal and honest with you until she or he disappoints you and hurts your feelings. I know disappointments and hurt can go away one day (or not), you can talk this through, forgive and move on and be friends again. But not if she or he does not show any kind of remorse or just for a second until you take them back into your heart and then she or he continues to be the same dig again. I trusted someone who was very close to me for many years until one day she misused my trust and lied to me. We did talk and of course she apologised and I did not want to loose her in my life so I forgave her. Only to get hurt again. This was the moment when I realised it had been this way the entire time I only had not known or to be honest did not want this to be true and accept the fact that she was never a loyal and honest friend to me in the first place. This realisation is not play the blame game here but rather a tipping point for me when I realised: the people you do life with can make or break you. You give them this power. And you have the power to decide whom you want to give this power to in your life. A lesson I wished I learned sooner.

Loosing time in your career/ education

Time is valuable. You learn this in kindergarden. If you are late you do not get the seat, you do not get in, you miss out. Something that can be so minor in kindergarden can sometimes cost you your interview, your promotion or your dream house later. I lost time in my life. I did not set my priorities straight, I found excuses not work and do the things I needed to do. Few years later I found myself in the same place and making accusations to myself why I did not follow up with what I had to do. Being at the same place few years later sucks! Trust me. While everyone else moves on in their life, gets their promotion, pays their first mortgage for their dream house, you feel kinda isolated from the rest of the world. You feel stuck in your own little world. The excuses you make will not buy your more time or set the time back. Comparing will not change anything. You have to be your own cheerleader. You need to take things into your own hands. You only are responsible for your decision. Blaming will not solve how you feel years later. Stop looking around, stick to your plan, stick to your goals, stick to whatever you desire to be, to accomplish and do it! Do not waste your time. Time is valuable, it will not come back for you. You will thank me later.

Being indecisive

This is another bad trait of mine. I do not know whom to thank for. My mum is not like that, neither is my dad. But it found me. I am indecisive all the time. When I go to the restaurant, everyone had ordered and I am still reading the menu. If I get to choose between two things, I am dependant on other peoples opinion and mostly I am not content which the decision taken afterwards. This has let to many wrong decisions in my life! I know that not all the decisions you make will turn out to be the right one. But let me tell you, if you do not make your own decision, others will make them for you and it will not be always pretty! In my case, I then realise what I really want but it is not for me to decide anymore and I lose out. I do not want you to lose out in your life! Nobody wants, right? Take your chances, if you do not know now, do not wait too long. This will cost you something. Most of the time you cannot get it back and this will follow up with you and make you to be more unsure next time. Do not let this happen in your life. You want to live your life to the fullest and enjoy every bit of it along your journey. Make your own decision. You will have more freedom in your life, more space about the things you decided to do. You only will own it and eventually that will make you happier.

First blog post – a letter from a big sister

July 30, 2017May 6, 2018 by Deborah Mary S., posted in Personal Story

Hi guys, today I want to introduce you to my little sister. She lost her dad at the tender age of nine. Its like she never knew her dad at all. Today she graduated from school.

Life wasn’t easy for her though. As a black girl growing up without a father, daily opposed to classmates whose parents where mostly high earning doctors, engineers and whatever, having only a mum who makes her living by cleaning these peoples houses was never something she would have chosen if she ever had the opportunity to do so. Having to live in these deprived circumstances she however never let her hair down or took life as an excuse for something less. She rather chose the uneasy path.

: Lydia with our daddy ♥

She proved that whatever circumstances or what burden life has put you in you can make the best out of it if you are willing to fight for your own happiness. That’s why she stands here today and can call herself a hero – I would admit. As her big and only sister when I look back, I cannot say of myself that I was nice to her all the time, neither can I say I supported her in every thing and or that I was always there for her when she needed me most. We never had the relationship sisters are suppose to have (But what is that?!). We really got to know each other the past two years and became good friends since.

: Lydia & Me ♥

From my own experience as well as seeing my sister succeeding in her studies so gracefully, all I can say today is: boys and girls out there, please let nothing or anyone keep you away from your studies. Education is the key for your life. This key opens doors you never knew existed in the first place. This key determines one day who you are, what you are capable of and what you stand for. Its a fortune beyond a value. I know myself studying isn’t easy especially when you study hard and it doesn’t turn out the way you expected it to be or issues are bothering you or you are living in circumstances worse than this (But that is a topic for another time!). Whatever it is, never let go of education.

Lydia, I wasn’t a good sister to you. I am very sorry for not being the sister you may have wished to have. Nonetheless, I want you to know that I am very proud of you. The young independent strong woman you have become amazes me!!! I wish you happiness, health and all the blessings of this world. I love youuuuuuuu <33333